Learn to apologize; Learn to accept

The background is this: A couple of months ago, I almost got in my first pickup soccer fight ever. My team was getting crushed - it happens on occasion - this particular day I was on the losing end. So, while covering an opposing player, I managed to either strip him of the ball or have him lose it somehow - but in the process, I accidentally kicked/slashed him - hard to say exactly what it was b/c I hardly remember - it was just some incidental contact that happens when two players are sparring for position on a ball, etc. It would not have been called by a ref because it was relatively minor and I doubt anyone even saw it - I only barely felt it myself. The player who lost the ball he was visibly upset - he kinda made that face that pro soccer players make when they get kicked a little bit - a kind of grimace, then gave a little rub of his ankle or shin, and then continued playing. Someone on my team got the ball, I believe. I did _not_ apologize. I should have.

Well, next thing I know I have the ball - I'm streaking down the middle towards goal, and we've got numbers. I whiz past the guy who I accidentally strafed just 20 seconds earlier and next thing I know I'm looking up at the sky - he clobbered me from behind. So, I was bent, naturally, and got in his face. After a couple of chest bumping routines and some not-so-nice words, we were pulled apart - no punches thrown - and then we continued to play - me all over him whenever he tried to get the ball because I was still bent.

Over the course of the rest of the game I started to calm down a bit and realize that however wrong he may have been to cut me down from behind like that, it all started with me - if I'd just apologized for strafing him early on - whether I thought he was just being sensitive or not - none of this would have happened. Probably not, anyways.

So, after the game I apologized for blowing up, etc., and he did the same. All is well.

The moral of the story is 'learn to apologize'. It's quick. It's easy. It's not a big deal. Even if you think you didn't necessarily do anything wrong, or intentionally - just do it anyway. Accidents happen - none of us is perfect. Apologize - a quick "I'm sorry" - pat the other player on the back, maybe drop a little "you okay?" in there - and all is well.

I usually have no problem with that, but a bunch of circumstances came together on this day to help me lose my cool - my team was getting crushed, i was chasing a lot, i was not getting the ball back, it was hot, i had gotten strafed earlier at least once during that game by other players and didn't get any apologies, etc. None of this justifies my earlier non-apology - I'm just setting the scene for how this thing happened, and how these things tend to happen - this particular pickup game sees a lot of nastiness - more than any other I've ever been involved with - and I've seen pickup soccer in several states/cities/countries over ten+ years, now. Part of the reason is that there are so many players out there - new players coming all the time - people don't know each others' names - so minor incidents spiral and get out of control quickly.

The other half of the story, of course, is learn to accept an apology. If someone apologizes, say, 'alright', 'cool', 'ok' - whatever - and move on. People aren't perfect - they make mistakes.

Finally, if someone is out there terrorizing people - do your part to stop it. Speak up - don't be a coward - tell them to cool it.